I will sure wait for hours, standing in a very long queue, just to experience that less-than-five-minute roller coaster ride. I don’t like waiting, I FUCKING HATE WAITING. And there are times that… I just can’t keep waiting. The longer I wait, the more I feel my legs weaken. And they just… snap.

“She did. He didn’t. Big mistake.”

I know it’s wrong. So wrong. I didn’t think it would come to this point. And I just can’t spell the words. I do have choices, but it’s just another heart crash either ways. I know that.

“Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin.”

Oh that fucking stairs with that fucking red carpet glued on!!! I can rip it off, but I’m human enough to know it’s not a good thing to do.

My life is a BIG mess, yes. Nothing to be proud of… yet nothing to be ashamed of. My family, friends and 16 days, they’re the things that keep me from totally breaking down. But I’d rather say that my life is on the hands of the fucking agency. Literally.

I’m a very very.. uhm, very sensitive person. I cry because of the tiniest thing you could ever think of. Movies. (Even comedies or animations.) Irritation and discomfort. Roaches. (It’s so eewy?) And when I want to sleep but can’t.. etc.

But there’s this something that when somebody starts talking about, I feel like being poked in the eyes and then burst with tears. It’s not that I don’t want to talk about it. What? It’s not what, it’s who. It’s my dad. Thinking of him makes me cry. His text messages makes me cry. Memories of him makes me cry. Everything about him makes me cry. I just.. miss him so much. As much as I love him.

After all that he did.. I never, in my whole life, blamed him. And I never will. Not just because he’s my dad after all.. but because it’s not his fault. People make mistakes, chooses the wrong path and then regret it. And that’s what makes us human. DUH.

At this moment, I’m crying.. and all I could ever think of is that I want to be with him. I would have to wait. I’m trying to be patient. Dad, see you soon. I love you more than those three words can say..

PS. I realized that our last picture together (only us two) was taken during my graduation (6th grade) year 2005.

Miss ko na agad kayo mga wattapeyses. Whavitz forever!
*magkikita naman kami, fave ko lang yung bye-bye (mariah carey) ngayon. heheh.